Hi. I don?t know where to begin or what to say. Please bear with me, english isn?t my first language. My wife and I had been together for 10 years, married for 3 and have a 7 year old son.
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I betrayed my wife over the course of the last 3 months. It started as an emotional affair, but quickly grew into a physical and sexual affair, and it was such an ego boost for me that even though I wanted to stop, most of the time I didn?t want to stop. My wife found out after she had been having suspicions for a month on and off ? she woke me up with evidence of our conversations that were very intimate and explicit. I was in shock, I couldn?t deny it, I didn?t want to admit it, my lies caught up with reality and I wanted to escape. When she woke me up she was shaking and said that she loved me and that we could work through anything and asked whether I was in love with the other woman. I was empty inside, and somehow all I wanted was my phone, I don?t know why but at that moment I felt this wasn?t happening and if I can just get my phone I could lie, deny and cover it up. That obviously wasn?t the right reaction, but I couldn?t help it. She was then furious, we had an argument about my phone and she left. She didn?t have anywhere to go and ended going to my parents and her parents, told them that I had been having an affair and came back with her mother who took my son and I couldn?t say or do anything, I just had to keep out of their way. I rushed to work as I was already late and knew that I would be stuck in traffic, but I also wanted to get there as soon as possible as the woman I had been having an affair with is one of my co-workers, I wanted to let her know what was going on.
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I can?t say that I was or am in love with this woman, but I have to admit that I did develop feelings for this woman, as we just got along well, we were too honest with each other and I stepped over the boundaries with my communication with her. It actually started with a kiss at a work function/lunch where we had too much to drink, and from then on we started e-mailing, texting and talking at work. We eventually went out for lunch a couple of times and became intimate. We planned work trips where we could sleep over and that is where the affair became sexual. We exchanged very explicit messages that I am ashamed of if I think about them, and the worst part is, my wife probably has all of these, and I can?t begin to imagine how much it pains her to know that I let alone physically betrayed her, but emotionally as well, especially with all the conversations we shared. She has quoted some of the conversations to me and I am deeply ashamed of the content.
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I apologize for the length of this, but I need to get it out.
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The same day my wife discovered, she showed up at my workplace and wanted to confront the other woman in the reception area. I went instead and there was a huge scene where I had to force my wife outside to try and get her to have the confrontation outside. I then got the other woman to come with me to see my wife and I had another reaction which my wife is now also holding against me. She put her hand out and I immediately thought she was going to attack the other woman, so I got in between them, this was the worst thing I could do as my wife and her mother, who was there as well, reckon I defended the other woman and did not stand by my wife. I can understand that, and it hurts me to think that maybe subsconciously, that could be what I did.
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My wife can be very impulsive at times, and she went to lawyers that same day, with the evidence and started to file for divorce. I left work late and I could not go home, my wife threw out all my clothes (packed them in the garage for me to collect) and kicked me out of the house. I managed to hold her for a while, but knew that I couldn?t even try to argue with her or try to stay. I stayed over at my parents and I had to go to work the next day. I did have contact with the other woman on both those days, Thursday and Friday as well as on Saturday. And unfortunately, for the time being I can?t avoid her at work. We lied at work and people seem to believe our story that we had only been messaging each other and that my wife overreacted. I feel bad about this, and feel that it?s just more disrespect for my wife, but I really can?t afford to lose my job as we are also in a lot of debt since my wife quit her job at the end of last year.
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I have been texting my wife over and over since Saturday, asking for a chance, for forgiveness, for a chance to talk, but she is now emotionally shut down when it comes to me and we unfortunately have also had a few fights as well. She is adamant about getting a divorce and she says she hates me and that she doesn?t want me back. She says after me not being there, or not producing some kind of gesture on the Thursday (discovery) and Friday that she will never give me a chance, and that I blew my chance as those were the only days that she was susceptible to me asking for a chance. I always thought that if I did something like this, that I would lose her, maybe that was why I reacted the way I did, I probably already accepted that I?d lose her.
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I don?t really want to mention this, and it is not the reason that I fell into this trap, but it did leave me more vulnerable ? 3 years ago, 4 months after our wedding, my wife got drunk at a party while I was home sick with chicken pox, a guy we knew took her home, but when they got to our house she didn?t want to go home. They ended up at his house, had sex and she came home the following day and confessed. It completely broke me, and even though I felt I couldn?t judge her and felt that he took advantage, it was still a betrayal, and it probably took me the most of the last 3 years to try and cope with it, all the while we were fighting and struggled to have a normal relationship. But it got better, and we had plans, she was going to stay at home, we were planning to have 2 more kids and even though I wasn?t entirely happy, looking back now that was the perfect plan for me, for us.
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How did I get here? It?s been almost 10 days, and I can?t see any glimpse of hope that she?ll give me a chance to earn her trust, love and forgiveness. Throughout the last year I have read so many stories of hope and healing around unfaithfullness ? And I feel even worse now than when I started typing, I know the pain, I have read it in so many stories, how could I have done this? What kind of a man am I?
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She is the love of my life, I cannot bear to be without her a day longer, all I want to do is hold her and know that we will be ok, tell her that we will be ok, and know that she believes it. I am going to lose her, my son, my life for nothing, absolutely nothing. I don?t want to lose her, I want to have a chance to make it right, I am so miserable and I need help. How do I get thorugh to my wife? How can I speak to her heart, I have tried so many times, but I all I seem to see in her eyes is hate and utter disgust for me. How do I save my marriage?
Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/23865
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Source: http://frankguzman4da.com/242/focus-on-the-family-community-relationships-and-marriage-i/
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